Imagine you and your spouse are hiking deep in the mountains and lose track of time. It is getting dark. You have the potential of encountering snakes or a mountain lion. You are running low on drinking water. Although you are good at navigating through the backcountry, you are five miles deep. At this point, would you start talking about how you got lost? Or would you grab your compass and map and plan a course to start moving toward civilization?
What does hiking have to do with couples’ anger management? I am sure you agree that life with your spouse is a trek — in order to have a memorable journey, you and your spouse need to make a conscious choice to realize when you are “lost” and how to find help to get back on track.
Couples’ anger management is different from attending counseling sessions. Counseling is very valuable and needed for many issues. Unlike counseling, however, anger management consultation or classes offered by a certified facilitator can teach couples in a short period of time to dramatically change destructive anger patterns and live more harmoniously. A couple recently came into the office wondering how anger management consultation would differ from counseling. After a few short weeks of improved communication, better intimacy, and good problem solving, they said: “It is so much better now that we have stopped fighting. We were tired of talking about the fights and getting nowhere.”
Consultation is specific and targeted to eliminate problem anger. The work involves identifying assignments on improving your communication skills, conflict resolution, and relationship skill-building. Quickly, couples are able to address their needs and feelings in a way that they did not think was possible.
Sometimes, couples may not be instructed on how to handle problem anger and how to diffuse it. Taking a timeout does not always work — if it did, more people would use this method. Specific skill sets are required before being able to use timeout. There are some excellent guidebooks to help you in your journey to stop the fighting and start the talking. At SB Consulting, we offer conflict resolution and anger management services for couples.
By Sonia Brill, LCSW, CAMF
SB Consulting
http://www.soniabrillconsulting.com
http://sbconsulting.wordpress.com
